


Everything's Worse With Zombies

by Serriya (Keolah)



Series: Interdimensional Bridge [6]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons - Fandom, Rifts, Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Crossover, Dimension Travel, Dragons, Gen, Too Many Pop Culture References, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-21
Updated: 2006-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 01:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keolah/pseuds/Serriya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dragon and a cleric inadvertently find themselves in the Imperium of Man. Worse, the planet they wind up on seems to be experiencing a bit of Chaos of its own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Worse With Zombies

Kid had settled right in on the Eyes of Truth, and unlike some others who might be completely at a loss, he had found nothing particularly strange about the place or its inhabitants. Okay, so there wasn't any sort of currency, which was pretty odd, but he could definitely live with that since it meant he could just acquire quarters to his liking and set up shop as he liked. 

Gave someone who didn't need to sleep or eat, well, he ate but that was just for the enjoyment of it, beside the point really... Anyway, what it allowed him to do was spend every available moment digging through the treasure trove of the computer's memory and tuck it away for future use. At present, he was involved in tinkering with one of his favorite toys of old, a 'Magic 8-ball' that he'd modified along the way.

An elven woman with dark hair, silver eyes, and wearing white healer's robes wandered along. Her attention was more on a data pad with patients and their conditions than what she was really doing right now, but she did end up stopping and peering at the odd fellow on the passenger/crew list. There wasn't really much difference between passengers and crew, anyway, since most of the crew didn't actually do much.

"Now if I can fit this in there..." Kid muttered, using a pair of tweezers to place a crystal of some sort inside the 8-ball's guts amidst a clutter of wiring and other bits of this and that. He secured it in place with an 'ah-hah!' of satisfaction and began rerouting some other wires to lead to it.

The thing could produce a wide range of effects, pretty chaotic at times, and with his new-found insight into the structuring of the alternate dimensions and how to get there... no, he wasn't really sure just _what_ that would add to the thing's abilities, but he was fairly certain it would be _interesting_.

"Er.. hello there?" Kirlin said tentatively as she approached. "I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?"

Kid looked up at the intrusion, momentarily confused as his attention was fully on his project. "Huh?" he asked brightly, then seemed to focus. "Oh, no, no, come in. Have a seat, or whatever," he said, grinning. "Sorry, working on something a bit."

Kirlin smiled at him and gave a bit of a bow. "Hello, then. I am Kirlin Starfire, the chief medic... cleric... healer... Well, you get the idea."

Kid nodded in reply, not moving otherwise as he seemed to be holding some wires in place at the moment. "Pleased to meet ya," he replied. "Call me Kid. Vagabond... wanderer... nosey-parker... Well you get the idea. Hehe."

Kirlin giggled. "You came aboard recently? I don't seem to recall you being on the passenger list before... The manifest doesn't list you as being from Lezaria... and we don't really have a lot of dragons aboard."

Kid shrugged. "Yeah well, newly arrived from another dimension. We're all over the place if you know where to look, really. Taking a look around and seeing what I can find out in this place, and I gotta say I love that computer." He chuckled. "So what can I do for you, "Ms. Starfire?"

"Oh, nothing," she said dismissively. "I was just checking in on people."

"I'd say that these weren't the droids you're looking for," Kid tossed out, "But I think I landed in the wrong dimension for that one. Uhhh.." he paused, looking down at the 8-ball a bit worriedly as the wires seemed to be getting hot, "Well that's not right," he muttered, just before there's a blinding flash of light.

"Wha--" Kirlin said in confusion, before shielding her eyes in surprise.

The light faded in an instant, though leaving afterimages in both of their eyes that would seem to explain what they're looking at for the first few blinks.

"Aw crap," Kid muttered, looking around at the buildings surrounding them, seeming not so greatly different from the rundown tenements of countless worlds even if they _are_ made of ceramacrete and other high-tech materials.

The sky above them was dark with night, only odd flashes of light marring it in a suspiciously battle-like pattern. Oddly enough, though they appeared to be in the middle of a sprawling city, there was not a soul to be immediately seen in any direction.

Kirlin blinked for several moments, rubbing her eyes, then peering about as her vision starts to clear. "Was that what you meant to do? Where are we?" Kirlin stared at the sky.

Kid was looking around as well, and glanced over at his erstwhile companion with a shrug. "No, and damned if I know. OH SHI--" he began, diving to the ground suddenly after looking to the sky, a flash of light descending at incredible speed and slamming into the city not so very far away with earth-rumbling force.

"Oh, somebody's attacking somebody..." Kirlin murmured, ducking for cover. "Maybe somebody's wounded and needs to be healed..."

"Yeah, like us!" Kid grumbled, brushing himself off as he stood and looked around suddenly. "Where the hell did it go?"

He didn't explain, instead looking around for 'it', quite likely the object he'd been holding as it was nowhere immediately to be seen after the impact. In the distance, mechanical sounds could be heard, as well as the heavy tread of metal-shod feet.

Kirlin proceeded to scramble off trying to get a view of who was fighting and if anyone needed help.

"Ah-hah!" Kid exclaimed, scurrying to a nearby storm drain as the only likely source of disappearance and peering within. "There you are."

He started to reach in, then freezes as an amplified voice booms out: "CITIZENS OF THE EMPIRE! THE HOLY EMPEROR HAS ANSWERED YOUR NEED. REMAIN WITHIN YOUR HOMES, ANYONE FOUND OUTSIDE WILL BE SHOT BY THE ORDER OF HIS HOLINESS, HIGH INQUISITOR GERMAINE."

Oh, that did _not_ sound good. Kid could recognize a line of rhetoric and the stench of fanaticism a mile away. Never trust it, and never doubt that they meant what they said.

"Oh Ms. Starfire," he called out to her with a tight smile, lifting the grate from the storm drain. "I think we'd better listen to the nice homicidal maniacs and get out of the street. _Now_!"

Kirlin commented, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea, I think..." She proceeded to look for a building to hide inside.

"Oh geez!" Kid muttered, running over to her. "Look lady, we could be in any number of places, but do you really want to take the chance that this 'Empire' is gonna be friendly to anything that isn't one of _them_? I don't! Now c'mon, down to the sewers with us, just some nice, quiet rats we are until I can get us _out_ of here."

"What?" Kirlin said. "But they might be injured... somebody might need help..."

"And we might get _dead_!" Kid countered. "Look, admirable and all that you want to help people, but not gonna be much hope of that if you get shot, is there?"

As if to confirm that, heavy weapons-fire erupts not too terribly distant and a shout of 'PURGE THE HERETICS!'.

"Aw shit, I _really_ don't like the sound of that," Kid said.

Kirlin proceeded to continue to try to somewhere to hide that did not involve sewage or rats.

The sprawling megacity that had grown to encompass most of the main continent of Arolas IV, the planet they had found themselves on, had been experiencing some... 'difficulties' of late due to the sudden interest of local Chaos forces, perhaps drawn there by the foul energies produced by depraved individuals willing to form cults in their name. Being the stout, loyal, Emperor-fearing citizens that they are, they reacted accordingly.

Doors were locked and barred, sealed in a vain attempt to keep the influences of Chaos at bay while they prayed to an Emperor who has seemingly answered their calls for help in the form of a Fleet. Such fleets were often sent under the command of the Inquisition to route heresy and burn it out, wherever it may be found. The cure was quite frequently as bad as the disease.

Evidence supporting it could be heard approaching with the inevitable thunder of marine and Grey Knight armor, as well as the distinctive rattle of heavy tracks crushing concrete beneath the weight of Purifiers and similar vehicles. More than one eruption of weapon-fire and shouts of doom to the heretics accompanied the approach.

"Oh," Kid muttered, looking even a bit more worried as he glanced from the drain and back to the woman searching for a place to hide. "I really don't like this."

Oh sure, they could hide in a dumpster, like these nutballs probably wouldn't be blowing the hell out of them on the way anyway! He ran over to the door nearest her and kicked it, the metal bending inward but resistant. 

"Tough guy, huh?" He snarled and kicked again, letting his strength loose with it and sending the door spinning inward. He looked over at her. "Can we hide now? No rats, see?" He ducked inside.

Kirlin likewise headed inside with another worried glance off down the street. "What's going on here? Where the hell are we... Damn, I wish I were a Seeker..."

Kid would call the building they entered a cube-farm, at best. Doors lined one side of the hall that they entered, no more than a few feet apart from each other and seeming to be the equally bland functional metal of the door that had gained them entrance. The only other feature was an open stairway at the far end that led upward.

He headed for that with a mutter, "If they want the streets, they can have em."

In the near distance outside, the clatter of heavy metal feet and tracks continued their inexorable approach, now interspersed with faintly intelligible militaresque communication between the units.

Kalli followed after quietly, figuring that was as good a place as any to go. The stairs led up through five floors and ended up at another blank cube-farm level. Small windows at each end of the hall let in some light but it was otherwise dim. He went to take a look out one, ignoring a thumping sound from behind one of the doors and a sound reminiscent of someone moaning as in pain.

Kirlin, being the staunch healer she was, couldn't in good conscious just wander past when there was somebody who might need her help, and tried to locate the source of the sound and get to it.

Kid was paying her no attention as he muttered and opened the window, leaning out to get a look at those passing below and swearing to himself as the fanatics below could be faintly heard declaring the discovery of a device that didn't conform to 'Standard Technology'. A weirdo in robes and metal sticking out all over examined it and told them to take it to headquarters for destruction.

"No! You bloody, useless, fanatical..." Kid trailed off, into a string of rather uncomplimentary terms.

Meanwhile, Kirlin readily found the source of the sounds, another blank door among the countless others. Trying the entry panel she found that it was locked from within, but the door did appear to be slightly loosened on its hinges. She might be able to dislodge it and get inside with a bit of work or an application of brute strength.

"What the hell?" Kid muttered, turning as he sensed the flow of magic.

Kirlin's fire magic flowed over the door and the weaker hinges quickly succumbed to the heat to drip molten metal. The door creaked alarmingly and fell to the side, revealing a humanoid form standing in the narrow entryway to a small apartment beyond.

"Sorry about the door," Kirlin said, peering inside to examine the form for any obvious injuries or illness.

From the size, it was likely male, though he seemed to have recoiled from the heat and was only now showing interest in what was beyond the door again. As the reek of smoke and melting metal subsided, a much less subtle odor of corruption and decay wafted out to fill the void. The man shambled forward and into the faint light. If his appearance was any indication, he wasn't in very good health at all, the oozing sores on his face leaving tear-like trails across pallid, unhealthy flesh, wet stains in his clothing hinting at equal horrors beneath it.

"Uhhhh," Kid remarked helpfully. "When did this place decide to re-run the Return of the Dead series, anyway?"

Flippancy aside, he dug quickly into one of his pockets in search of something as the 'man' shambled out with a moan.

"Oh, that doesn't look good at all." She lifted her hands, which glowed with a silvery-white light as she channeled Healing Magic into the fellow in an attempt to help him.

The magic seemed to encounter a void, swirling around the being without effect as something inside him seemed to repel its allure. Or, she might well assume that he was dead, a very likely scenario at this point as he reached out for her with fingertips that had been scoured down to claw-like bone in its attempt to escape its prison.

"Get back!" Kid called out, pulling what appeared to be a plastic gun from his pocket, its barrel loaded with a rubber suction-cup tipped dart.

"Oh, maybe it's a zombie..." Kirlin murmured. "Here, nice zombie..." She proceeded to reverse the magic and tried to heal him with, well, anti-healing.

The plague zombie hesitated for a moment as the energies washed over it, producing as close to an effect of 'pleasure' as could be expected in the existence of the damned, and went 'Mrh?' in puzzlement. The moment was brief though, as the compulsion of Nurgle's foul breath curled tightly about its rotting heart. It went 'grah!' and lunged at her, fortunately clumsily for her own wellbeing.

"Oh for the love of..." Kid muttered. 

He stalked over to the match made in Hell, lifting the 'toy' to the thing's skull and pulling the trigger. Electricity arced viciously as the dart connected, charring flesh and dropping the zombie into a twitching heap on the floor, and Kid looked at her incredulously.

"Are you _nuts_?" Kid said. "Walking dead things are bad. Always. You looking to be a martyr?"

"Maybe it just wanted to be revived?" Kirlin said innocently.

"Or maybe it wanted to eat your brain?" Kid retorted, poking the now-motionless thing distastefully with one foot. "Right. Well, at least we know why the nutballs outside are all stirred up, now. Now just to get my 8-ball back and get us _out_ of here before either side turns us into a blue-plate special." 

He muttered under his breath as he looked around for a way onto the roof, and finding none he looked at her.

"You, no more opening doors for our 'friends' the flesh-eating hordes of Hell, nkay?" He stalked into the now-opened quasi-apartment.

Kirlin looked down at the thing and said, "I think it's hurt." She proceeded to attempt to resurrect it and heal it some more.

Kid looked back from his all-too-brief inspection of the living cubicle, not finding anything of real use in the spartan arrangements, and nearly bursted a blood vessel as he heard her muttering and felt a faint trace of magic ebbing out of her to the plague zombie.

"You _are_ crazy!" he yelled at her, storming back out and reaching down to snag the rubber dart from the thing's skull. "It's dead. Leave the slimy little thing alone," he said, calming down a bit. "You might catch something."

He turned as he heard another door down the hall open and a young face peered out at the source of the disturbance outside.

"I'm sure I'm immune to whatever it might have," Kirlin insisted. "My inborn Healing abilities tend to protect me against most forms of illness and disease... Bah, I can't get a good soul-lock anyway. I suppose it's dead-dead."

"Good!" Kid replied.

He made a violent shooing gesture to the curious onlooker that had the gratifying effect of the door being slammed and locked securely once more, he could only hope before this befuddled doctor had a chance to notice!

"Let's get out of here, then." he said, moving to the window. "I can shift to something like a pixie, ugh, always hated that, but anyway it'll let me get to the roof and drop a line down for you."

Kirlin looked at him oddly. "A pixie? Why would you do that?" She scratched her head in confusion for a moment, then down at the remains of the zombie, which she apparently decided to just incinerate.

Kid looked at her for a moment, then shook his head and went back to the window to look outside. At least the goose-steppers weren't immediately in view right now, and he took the time to shatter the remnants of the window to fully clear the space.

"Okay, I'm going to go up to the roof and lower a rope down," Kid said. "You climb up and we get the hell away from this deathtrap cinder block, sound good?"

He didn't wait for a reply, instead shedding mass to a much smaller, winged form before fluttering out the window. A minute later, a rope hitched down into view. Kirlin didn't bother arguing this time and just grabbed a hold of the rope, glancing down nervously toward the street below.

Kid started to pull her up, then the rope went suddenly limp and loose as she heard him swear against the backdrop of a small military craft speeding by entirely too close for comfort. She started to fall before he snagged the rope again and pulled her quickly up and yanked her out onto the rooftop.

"Greaaaat," he muttered, looking into the distance as the craft swooped around in an arc and started coming back.

Kirlin scrambled onto the rooftop and peered up at the sky nervously. "What was that?"

"That," Kid remarked caustically, "Is likely the face of impending doom, the sky mafia coming to say hello."

As though to confirm this, smoke plumed around the craft and a trail could be seen of what was likely a missile approaching. Kid snorted and grabbed her, hesitating not at all as he leapt off the building, cradling her gently in his arms.

Kirlin murmured, "Okay, so maybe they don't just want to be friends..."

The force of the missile's impact and the ensuing explosion threw off his semi-planned leap, sending them spinning dizzily toward the ground below. A moment of quasi-inspiration struck and he returned to his normal form, ever careful of the fragile being now held lightly curled in a single claw, and his wings snapped out to slow their descent. 

Slow, not stop, as they still slammed into the ground with considerable force which his bulk absorbed readily enough. "Ow," echoed in her mind as he lay there for a moment. He could take a lot of punishment, regardless of form, but it didn't mean it didn't still hurt like hell.

"Umph..." KIrlin grunted, sending a touch of Healing at him in case he was hurt and scrambling to peer out at what was going on above.

The building they'd formerly inhabited was now a ravening inferno, the plasma of the missile pushing the temperatures beyond any rational levels that might be contained by the fire-resistant construction. The royal blue hover vehicle that had fired at them, a golden Omega stenciled proudly on its wings, had begun to circle around with decidedly more energy as though having spotted a target of particular interest.

"Thanks," Kid sent begrudgingly, then looked up at the craft speeding back. "Aw geez, anywhere I go they're shooting at me, and this time they don't even _know_ who I am!" He righted himself, thinking furiously before shifting once more to a quadrupedal creature that looked like a cross between a horse and a crocodile. "Get on!"

Kirlin didn't argue and just did so, saying, "What are they doing? There might've been people alive in there that they're hurting!"

"Don't think they care," Kid replied.

He make semi-sure she was settled before taking off with a leap. The land-speeder dives down to the height of the nearby rooftops, the ceramcrete of the road suddenly erupting as a stream of hypervelocity shells started tearing into it in a stream that flowed toward them.

Kid didn't make it easy on them, though, and he swerved to pass the majority of the bullets and streaked past. The few that tore at his haunches didn't do any appreciable damage or slow him in the least as he tore around a corner and kept going.

"Can't say that I care much right now, either," he muttered petulantly.

Kirlin whimpered pathetically, clinging onto him for dear life and whining, "They're killing people and it's all my fault!"

"Your fault?" Kid retorted incredulously, "Since when did getting sucked through a rift and ending up on a planet full of raving psychotics end up being _your_ fault?"

The lunging stride of the form wasn't particularly easy to deal with, but it _was_ very quick and agile, allowing them to duck around several corners in short order and, at least temporarily, lose their pursuit.

"But I can't let them hurt innocent people... It's wrong and I have to do something about it!" Kirlin said with sudden determination. She raised her hands and they started glowing silver again and she shouted, "Holy Fire!" and proceeded to send a blast of searing white fire toward the nearest one.

The speeder swerved around the corner after them, the pilot far more determined in his pursuit of the Chaos spawn than Kid had given him credit for, and was in the process of praying for holy retribution for the heretics. He received an answer to his prayer, though not perhaps the one he might wish, as the brilliant flame lashed out and boiled around the vehicle, melting armor and setting off a cascade of ammunition explosions.

It slammed into the road ahead of them and cartwheeled several times before coming to a stop in a smouldering ruin, miraculously avoiding slamming into yet another building and demolishing it. 

"Well hell," Kid muttered, skidding to a stop and throwing a reptilian glance over his shoulder at her with a measure of respect. "That's one way of doing it. Should buy us a minute to get the hell out of here before someone shows up to check on the charcoal briquettes, at least."

He edged around the inferno and took another turn, putting as much distance as possible between them and the crash. Kirlin clung onto him as she watched the spectacle and didn't complain about the get-the-hell-out-of-here sentiment. These folks definitely didn't want to chat over tea and cookies.

He stopped a short while later, having avoided a few roving patrols of men in some kind of heavy armor armed to the teeth accompanied by tanks. The street that they were on seems to be at least temporarily safe as he sank to the ground and sent, "Get off, time to be a little more inconspicuous for a while."

Kirlin clambered off and peered back in the direction that they just came from looking for signs of pursuit. Kid shifts back to his normal form of the moment, moving off to stand near a wall and unwrapping a bit of candy to pop in his mouth. Nothing seemed of immediate looming danger, and he crunched on the sugar thoughtfully.

"Okay, so we're strangers in a strange land," Kid said. "I can get us back with a bit of work and a moment's time, but I'm not leaving without my 8-ball. So," he muttered, "that means getting to this headquarters before the barbarians have a chance to destroy it as not complying with 'Standard Technology', whatever the hell _that_ means. Any thoughts or suggestions, Doc?"

"8-ball?" Kirlin said in confusion. She leaned against a wall peering off down the street and murmured, "I don't know. I'm disinclined toward brute force.. I'm sure they must think they're doing the right thing, and that holy fire drained a lot of my energy, but I can't say I'm really an expert in stealth and subterfuge either..."

"Something I've been working on for the last few hundred or thousand years."

Kid shrugged, not sure he could explain it any more clearly if he tried. The thing still puzzled _him_ and he'd made it, just seemed like it grew weirder every time the muse was inspired by the subconscious to tinker with it a bit more. Damn if he knew what all it could do, but he wasn't about to leave it in the hands of _these_ nutballs.

"And nah," he continued, still watching absently for signs of new threat, "I really don't think the straight down their throat approach would be a good idea. I can take a lot of damage, but it still hurts, and you..." He looked sharply at her and shook his head. "Well anyway, that's out. Subterfuge, though? Hmm... kill off one of their armor types and stuff you inside after sponging it clean, that could work."

"Oh, only so long as I don't talk and they don't realize I'm a little short for a stormtrooper..."

Kid looked at her, then giggled. "Well, from the look of em it'd be better if you were a wookiee, sure." He snickered and waved it off. "You're probably right anyway, they seem a little on the 'large' side overall for that. I could easily pass myself off as one of their robed counterparts, but where to put you in there? Hmm."

He trailed off, thinking through possibilities and not immediately noticing a low wash of sound that seems to be gathering in strength perhaps a block or two away and around a corner. It was similar to the moans she'd heard earlier, though likely from a much greater number of throats.

"For some reason, I get a bad feeling about this..." Kirlin muttered. "I think I'll go for the Fire rather than the Healing this time, you suppose..." She smirked faintly.

"Huh?" Kid replied, snapping out of thought at her words and turning his full attention to the world around them. "Ohhh, that can't be good," he agreed readily. "What the hell's going on around here anyway? I don't remember buying a ticket to the latest zombie slasher sci-fi action flick."

Those never ended well, and he was personally hoping he wasn't listed in the credits as an 'extra'.

"Let's just go the other way and leave the nice flesh-eating monsters alone, hey?" he began, then muttered, "Bloody hell," as he looked in the other direction.

Further down the road, a squad of armor-clad, armed women had appeared, their ranks strengthened by the impressive weight of metal grinding the ceramcrete to dust behind them, the tank's turrets looking very unpleasant.

"Nuns with guns, great." He snorted.

"Oh, that's nice. Maybe they'll help us then," Kirlin said hopefully.

Riiiiiiiight, Kid thought to himself, looking at all the shiny weapons the new group of happy psychopaths were carrying. On the plus side, the vast majority seemed to be of some flame-throwing variant which he could shrug off, and he looked thoughtfully at Kirlin to wonder... bad Kid, bad! He reprimanded himself silently and reached out to tug at her sleeve.

"I don't think they're here for your tea and cookies, Doc." he said. "Let's go see what those nice, peaceful, carnivorous zombies from Hell are up to, huh? Probably be a lot safer."

He didn't hesitate to match word and deed, dashing off in the direction of the moaning even as the Sisters shouted out commands and warmed up for their cleansing. Kirlin figured that was about as good an idea, primarily because she'd feel less guilty about burning the zombies to oblivion than the psychopathic nuns.

Kid didn't look back as he ran, figuring the weird woman would either follow or end up a toasted marshmallow. At the moment, he was quite ready to do whatever he needed to in order to preserve his most favorite skin... his own. He shifted into a form that was somewhat bizarre as he ran, looking like a cross between a demon and a weed whacker, wicked spikes and blades sprouting all over and wreathed in flame.

He waded into the horde, slicing and cutting the clumsy creatures into glistening bits and leaving a trail behind him for her to follow until the mass closed in again. That worried him less than the leading edge of the psychos behind them, though, as he felt a wash of heat as their first rank spouted napalm at the undead with a resounding cry to 'Purge the unclean!' Oh how he hated fanatics.

"Oh, hell," Kirlin muttered as she ran, glancing back for a moment. "Why do I have this sudden urge to burn _both_ groups? I'm not a very homicidal person..."

Inspiration, or what passed for it in such chaotic moments, struck Kid as he turned and ripped through a zombie lurching toward Kirlin and he caught sight of one of the nuns. She was dressed somewhat differently, while the others wore largely functional armor with cloth adorning it (very snazzy, he thought abstractly). This one was wearing full, flowing robes, almost a true nun's habit complete with symbols all over.

He grabbed Kirlin verrry carefully, considering the sharp nature of just about every part of his body at the moment, and crouched down before leaping through the air. The arc brought them within reasonable distance of his target and he moved to shelter Kirlin with his own body as much as possible while in the middle of the psychotic nuns.

"Surprise," he snapped out, the sound somehow appropriately like gnashing blades.

The nun, unfortunately, did not react with appropriate surprise, instead smiling serenely and lifting an ornate book that had been dangling from her waist by a chain out before her.

"Abomination of Chaos, by the power of the Emperor, I bind thee," she intoned placidly, and Kid had a moment to think 'Aw crap' before a crushing psychic wave froze him in place.

"Excuse me," Kirlin said timidly, waving about a small hand. "May I please speak with you for a moment before you start shooting at me over a case of mistaken identity?"

The Canoness looked at the woman in front of her and frowned, glancing up at the frozen abomination behind Kirlin and then back with a faintly smug expression.

"You would believe me a fool, creature of Chaos, when you clearly consort with the infernal powers?" She shook her head, seemingly sad and said, "Sisters, cleanse this taint in His name!"

The front ranks continued their cleansing of the zombies, but the nearer ones moved to comply to their orders without question. Fire washed over the immobile shapeshifter but seemed to have no affect whatsoever, his bulk momentarily shielding Kirlin from its fury.

"Ow!" Kid gnashed, suddenly moving once more and _not_ apparently reacting to the fire. 

Needles of pain ripped through him as the psychic compulsion was shattered by force of will, the initial surprise that had allowed it at all being overcome. The side effects, however, were less than pleasant. He vented that pain in a most direct fashion, spearing a claw forward to grab the Canoness by the throat.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Kirlin said, proceeding to cast spells in rapid succession. "Divine Shield! Holy Bolt!"

Apparently she was one of those weird Elkandu who insisted on shouting precisely what they were doing when they were doing it instead of just doing it. Maybe she was trying to be impressive or something.

Kid looked at her with burning scarlet eyes, gaze flickering as the Sisters suddenly scrambled and dove for cover and took other defensive actions in the wake of her sudden assault. Some fell, while others were sufficiently protected by the Purity symbols embedded in their armor which were blessed by the Sister Superiors of their order in the Emperor's name.

This opening left the remainders of the horde free to shamble forward once again, and the few Sisters who had taken refuge too near were quickly overcome, meeting a most grisly end. Kid shook his mute surprise off, still holding the struggling Canoness by the throat, and growled at the tank that even now turned its baleful attention toward them.

"Time to go," he rattled, then leapt atop the tank to sink a claw into the turret.

"I completely concur!" Kirlin said, panting a bit from the exertion and scrambling up after him. "I've decided that I don't like this place!"

Kid just snorted, ripping through the steel with his claws as though it were paper and disabling it. They'd have to climb out to get to them now and he rather thought that they might regret choosing to do so. He looked at the Canoness with a wicked grin, then over to Kirlin.

"Take her clothes, symbols," Kid said. "I have an idea and we have a moment of peace."

The nun looked incensed, but couldn't quite seem to say anything about it just now. Kirlin wasn't in any mood to argue at the moment and just proceeded to do as he says rapidly. She also lectures said nun while doing so about how she should have listened to her and wouldn't be in this jam if she had.

Kid waited for her to finish, then shrugged and tossed the unclad canoness into the remnants of the milling horde. Not nice, maybe, but probably better than she would have done for _them_. The shamblers hadn't climbed up yet, if they were able to at all, as the Sisters still active in the tank seemed intent on laying waste to them through various gun ports. Seemed fitting to use them for a brief respite, he mused.

Not too long, though, otherwise there'd be sure to be reinforcements on the way, which would suit him just fine but not if they were dead. He shifted back to the Simvan (horse-croc), and sent for her to climb on once more. Kirlin hopped on and clung for dear life, perfectly ready to clear a path if one side or another decides to start attacking them or something.

Kid waited to make sure she was settled, then leapt forward, crouching at the edge of the tank and then bounding to soar over the scattered remnants of the plague zombie horde. The landing was rough and Kirlin was thrown hard against his shoulders, but he continued onward without pause and skidded around a corner from the site of the fray. He didn't stop til nearly the next intersection, though, and then crouched to signal her to dismount.

Kirlin clambered off and glanced back at where they came from. "What now? I'm liking this place less and less. Which is saying something as I didn't particularly like this place much to begin with."

Kid shifted, though not to his normal form, instead taking on the wizened appearance of the man he'd seen from the window a while back, perhaps a few inconsistencies but it'd have to do.

"Get dressed," he said with a grin. "If they're like any other fanatics out there, they should have someone coming along any time now to reinforce."

Kirlin proceeded to do so hurriedly, rather hoping that this hair-brained scheme worked, but it was better than the alternative at any rate.

The expected reinforcements weren't long in coming, in the form of a trio of the deadly skimmers they'd encountered earlier. Kid put on his best beleaguered, weary expression and moved into the street to wave his arms above his head to try and draw their attention. The leading speeder banked sharply, apparently having spotted them, and dropped with commendable haste to land nearby while the others continued on to incinerate the horde.

"Sir!" snapped one of the marines, somehow managing not to fall out of the speeder even as he stood and saluted in the confined space. "What are you doing here without your escort?"

The marine showed admirable consternation, perhaps worried more about his own skin should something befall one of the Inquisition while he was watching. He halted and took in the not-quite-kempt appearance of the Canoness and winces visibly.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Sister?" the marine asked.

Kirlin thought quickly and puts on the best act she could manage on short notice. "We were attacked and overwhelmed by the enemy and barely escaped alive. We require your immediate assistance." She silently prayed that they fell for the subterfuge and didn't look too closely.

Kid just put on his best stern, steely-eyed look and watched the proceedings, figuring the fanatics would be all the more nervous and tractable since he'd obviously managed to pick a suitable identity.

The marine was not in the least inclined to question the story, not in light of the recent call for help, and he nodded sharply in acknowledgement. "Of course, Sister. How may we serve?"

Kirlin at this point really wished that she hadn't passed on this acting classes at school. "We must return to headquarters, quickly. There may be more going on here than we realize. Call for reinforcements."

She settled for being vague and bullshitting and hoped it was at all believable. All the things she said resonated readily in the mind of the marine, stirring just the right level of urgency while dealing with the immediacy of the situation. He climbed out on the speeder's skirt and lowered the boarding steps.

"Of course!" the marine said. "I'm sorry, the extra seating is not quite suited to your ranks but it will be quickest this way." A side hatch was opened to a darkened back area, quite cramped but also secure.

Kirlin was more than happy to climb in quickly and hoped to hell there was nobody at "headquarters" that would recognize that she was not the person they thought she was.

Kid climbed in after her with all the purposeful dignity and pomposity that he could muster from memories of dealing with uptight fanatics in the past, giving a disdainful look into the back compartment and a withering glare at the marine before settling in. The marine quickly secured the hatch, leaving them in peace as he scrambled back to the controls and set the speeder quickly into motion.

"Gonna be praying for his ever-lovin' soul tonight, I bet," Kid murmured and snickered lightly. "Good job, Doc. Just keep it up, and add in the occasional sneer, disdainful comment, etc. These kinds of nutballs seem to eat that kinda crap up."

Kirlin nodded nervously and tried to compose herself, and trying _not_ to look scared to death.

"Relax," Kid said. "You're doing great. Just think of someone from aboard the Eyes that you really hate for being a rotten, snobby, sonuvabitch and act just like em. It'll get you through without a problem. No idea where we're gonna have to go, though, gotta find out where they take the things that don't conform to 'Standard Technology'. Probably a heresy or something, bloody fanatics." He rolled his eyes.

The craft banked and started to descend, though, and he rearranged his disdainful, superior expression as it was likely headed to a landing.

"I don't even know who I'm supposed to be," Kirlin muttered bitterly. She took a deep breath to try to calm herself a little.

"You're the biggest, meanest, nastiest bitch on the block is what you are," Kid said with a grin. "Just look at the way that flyboy in a can nearly wet himself just looking at you. Chin up, Doc, this'll be a breeze. And... show time."

He unfolded from the cramped seat as the speeder set down, giving his best impatient wave as the marine opened the hatch and extended a hand to help. They'd set down on the edges of what was likely a beautiful park, at some time in the distant past. The sculpted gardens and neatly trimmed grass quads were but a memory, erased by a defoliating strike and some quick work with a Rhino equipped with a dozer blade. Several prefab structures had been erected, the largest at the center likely being the administrative heart of the camp. Servitors of all stripes were moving busily from one area to another, no one paying particular attention to the speeder at the moment.

Kirlin climbed out and did her best to look imposing and self-important. She gave a glance around the area without trying to look like she wished that she had a map that said 'You are here. Weird Item Destroying Facility is over here.'

The marine pilot wasn't likely to throw them off, though he might like to and survive the experience, but he did offer with suitable deference, "You may want to stand clear. The ground effect on these is fairly sizable and we need to report back to the front."

Kid looked at the pilot as though they were a recalcitrant child, the marine showing no more than the barest twitch in response. He climbed down the loading stairs with slow, stately deliberation and moved off a ways to waited for Kirlin while looking around them. One thing he was pretty sure of was that the nutballs wearing the dresses were the ones in charge of things like his 8-ball, finding them would find it, he was certain. Kirlin did likewise and cleared away with Kid.

The speeder took off without delay, the pilot probably much preferring to face the hordes of Chaos than remain behind at the beck and call of the Inquisition. They might know no fear, but that sort of thing would come damn close to it.

Kid looked around at the scurrying minions going hither and yon, then shrugged and moved in the direction of one of the structures pretty much at random. The guards outside the prefab building remained impassively silent as they approached and didn't bat a visor at the two as they entered.

The smell of incense was cloying inside the building and the lighting was dim. Most likely a good thing, as they heard the sharp crack of a whip and a cry, followed by another. Two beings were tied nude to cross-poles to one side and were being 'scourged of their sins'. Odd thing was, neither of them seemed to be minding it terribly, both male and female writhing with seeming pleasure at each strike. 

Kirlin glared at them disdainfully for a moment, not even fully having to fake it this time, and whispered to Kid, "Do you have any idea where they might have taken it, or are we just going to have to do the needle/haystack bit here?"

"Not a damned clue," Kid murmured in reply, quickly shunting aside his disgust and smoothing his expression to quiet disdain as a man approached them.

First appearances would say that he was ancient, seeming sallow and gray, drawn, but a closer examination revealed the youth still remaining in the wizened form. "May I help you?" he asked, bowing lightly to them, obviously content that they were who they appeared in this hallowed sanctum. After all, they were protected by the glory of the Emperor. No heretic could make their way here before being destroyed.

Kirlin wondered how the hell they were going to do this without being too bleeding obvious about it. And more importantly, without getting caught, considering the circumstances she didn't really care to be the one chained up and being whipped.

Kid stepped into the breach after a brief hesitation, nodding briefly at the other man. "Indeed you may. I recovered a device earlier which did not conform to Standard Technology while scouring the city. I would appreciate the opportunity to make certain that it has been destroyed. Where has the facility for such things been erected? I fear my zealous pursuits at first landing have left me at a loss to developments here."

The man looked at both of them closely, having a twinge of doubt as there _were_ standard protocols for the arrangements of a headquarters compound.

"I see," he said somewhat blandly. "Please step this way that we may discuss it further."

He gestured for them to follow him further within the building. If nothing else it would get them away from the damned whippings!

"We do indeed perform such sanctified work in this building," the Inquisitor said, leading them beyond several rooms with progressively more grisly scenes of sin-cleansing in progress.

Kid had already disliked fanatics, but the casual way that this worm talked as they passed by people being tortured in ways best not examined too closely or thought about really, really sickened him. He merely nodded at the other's bland conversation, the religious zealotry babble largely flowing past his ears and refusing to lodge itself in his brain. The less he knew, the fewer nightmares he'd have later.

"So, as you can see," the man was continuing even as he opened a door and led them into an office, "We are quite eager in the Emperor's service. You will, of course, be willing to submit to Verification? I must ask for your sanctified Writ before allowing such work to be examined."

Kirlin was thinking, "Oh shit, that doesn't sound good." She tried to look offended but probably failed utterly as she just attempted to not piss herself instead.

"Of course, of course," Kid replied nonchalantly, reaching into his robe as he stepped aside to let the door close behind them. "Just a moment to find it," he muttered, then reacted like a snake as the door 'clicks' faintly. He lunged for the man, but the youth yet remaining combined with the array of metal implanted in him makes for a much more difficult target than expected.

"I thought as much," he crowed smugly as he darted behind the office desk. Another faint click was heard as he continued, "I don't know how you managed to gain entry here, heretics, but it will surely be learned at your cleansing."

Outside the office, a crash as though a door slamming heavily open was heard, followed by very heavy metal-shod footsteps.

Kirlin sighed a bit and seemed almost relieved at not having to put up the subterfuge anymore, and said, "This would have been easier on everyone involved if you didn't decide to be difficult. I didn't want to have to hurt you."

The Inquisitor sneered at the implied 'kindness'. "I do not fear you, heretic, as I know that you will never leave here alive, damned to the Emperor's wrath, while even should I die I will go before His glory pure of taint. Do what you will, but your arrogance will be short-lived."

As though in support, there were shouts and the harsh clangor of equipment being thrown carelessly out of the way in the near distance.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Kirlin muttered, lifting her hands to put a silvery shield over the door. "And fuck the Emperor too, for that matter. Sick of this crap." She lifted her other hand and sent a bit of fire at the guy -- Not enough to kill, but enough to make him very uncomfortable.

Seeing the use of magic didn't seem to surprise the Inquisitor in the least, nor did the lash of pain that she directed at him. He staggered beneath the flame, but simply narrowed his eyes to hateful slits to glare at her and spit out, "You will die, Chaos witch. Your foul master has no power here, it would be better for you to surrender now than return to their vile embrace in defeat."

Kirlin didn't even bother to attempt to explain politely that she had been spending the last several weeks healing the wounded and fighting off the remnants on the Chaos forces left on Lezaria. She did, however, try to look for a window, convenient secret passage, back door, or other way out of this room besides fighting.

Prefab buildings were generally pretty straightforward and free of nonessentials, unfortunately. The only exit from this room would appear to be through the door which she'd sealed off or through a wall. Kid was personally considering that second option as a pounding was heard on the door, and when it was found to be sealed a faint buzzing could be heard. 

"Oh that can't end well," he muttered to himself, the grim prediction coming true as some sort of broad blade hammered itself _through_ the wall to one side of the door and started cutting through like it was tissue.

Kirlin was pretty much come to the end of her rope here with patience, and when there was an opening she proceeded to scream, "Eat Fire Magic, fuckers!" and sent a stream of intense flames through the hole in the wall at them.

The assault withdrew momentarily, but Grey Knights were drawn regularly to battle directly against full demonic intervention, which necessitated their being familiar with and protected in some degree from magic. They returned to the cutting, working as quickly as possible to cut a hole large enough to obtain access... or at least an opening that they can use for attacking whatever hellspawn was within.

Kid just looked at Kirlin as if she'd lost it, pretty sure that she had in fact, then grinned over at the Inquisitor. "Y'know, you really should learn to play nicer, people might not get so pissed off at you."

He gave the man a moment to prepare for a retort, then reached out and punched him in the face with his full strength. He wouldn't regret the need for these wackos to clean the splatter of blood and brains off the walls.

"Okay, Kirlin," he said, shaking his hand to get rid of some blood as he reached inside his robes. "Let's get the hell out of here." He drew a small pistol out, this one always conveniently at hand, and said, "Don't fail me now, Junior," before firing at the opposite wall. An improbably large beam erupted from the pistol's muzzle, incinerating a nicely sized hole for them to scurry through.

Kirlin didn't feel like arguing at the moment, tossing up another shield behind them to slow down pursuit momentarily. It wasn't strong enough to hold for long, especially without her being present to maintain it, but it might help a bit. She darted out through the hole rapidly not even caring where it went. The hole led them into a hallway where a rather surprised-looking man was staring at the hole in the wall.

"Artifact disposal?" Kid snapped out at the man, biting off a snarl as the other took off down one direction, shouting for help. "Well, let's hope old brainless back there wasn't completely leading us on and we're actually close to where we..." 

A silly grin broke across his face suddenly, not exactly encouraging in current circumstances, but he looked over at Kirlin and pointed down the hall in the opposite direction of the runner.

"We gotta go this way, oh yes definitely, uh-huh," he said and started to do so, nearly drooling at the trace of magical energies swirling somewhere nearby.

Kirlin, definitely not in the mood for arguing, ran off after him, peering back in the direction they were running from ready to send off attacks or defense as necessary. Then realizing she probably should be paying attention to where they were running _to_ as well by reason of same.

The two Knights behind them did get through the wall shortly after the departure of the intruder, and they moved with the ponderous certitude of the juggernaut to follow, muttering prayers to the Emperor for protection against the heretics of Chaos. In this world, that actually had some power, their prayer calling upon the power stored in their Purity seals to ward them from 'evil'.

They caught sight of their quarry just as Kid and Kirlin rounded a corner and entered the room he'd been looking for, a Knight in basic marine armor not standing a great deal of chance as Kid grabs him by an arm and slammed him into the wall in his exuberance.

"Uhh, oops?" he said with a grin, tossing the grisly trophy of the ripped-off arm on top of the writhing Knight.

Kirlin popped a quick fire blast off at the ones behind and darted into the room, proceeding to try to seal that door as well to buy them a little more time and really hoped that this was the right place.

If Kid's reaction was any indication, this was either the right place or he was about to die of a heart-attack on the spot. Several devices of unknown origin or manufacture were neatly placed on individual tables for later study, one of them being his much-beloved 8-ball. He didn't merely retrieve that, though, taking a few moments to clear the other tables with a cackle of glee.

Did he know what they were? Did he know what they did? No and no, but that didn't really matter to him right then, that could be explored more closely after the fact, and since the shields were sufficient to hold the pesky fanatics at bay he stuffed as much as he could into his depthless pockets.

"I'll hold the shields while you bag the lot and then let's get out of here, okay?" Kirlin said, sweat beading up on her forehead from the extended exertion of magic use. "Bloody crazy, fanatical, closed-minded, intolerant, idiotic..." She proceeded to ramble off a lengthy, muttered stream of epithets.

Kid grinned over at her as he pocketed the last of it. "Oh, just think of the absolute _frenzy_ they're going to go into over these and rejoice, dear doctor. Fanatics of any stripe will go to ridiculous lengths to bring anything that goes against their beliefs to destruction. They'll _choke_ when these baubles go missing."

He laughed and did a little shuffle-step of victory, then controlled himself at seeing her expending effort.

"Keep the Huns at bay, doc," he murmured and started clearing some space to work in. "Let's see about getting us back to the Eyes." Dragging the 8-ball out of his pocket he shook it upside down and asked, "Any problems?" then turned the ball up to look at its answer 'Unlikely'. He grinned delightedly and started gathering the energy to open a portal back, the effort actually taking less than a minute.

Kirlin held the shields up, waiting for him to finish impatiently and sweating as she did so. "And fuck this place. I never want to see _this_ particular universe again."

"I hear ya on that, doc," Kid replied with full agreement, then reached out to snag her robe and yank her along as he stepped through the portal, leaving a final single-fingered gesture at their pursuers.

There was a moment of disorientation, then they were through and back _exactly_ where they started on the Eyes of Truth.

Kirlin said, "And with that.. I think I will pass out from exhaustion now." And proceeded to do just that.

"Whoops!" Kid said as she fainted, catching her as she started to fall since he already had a grip anyway.

He gently lifted and carried her over to a couch, laying her there for a moment as he went over to the replicator and ordered some orange juice and a decidedly heavy in sugar candy bar that he remembered from a long time ago. Snagging a chair on the way back, he sat down and pestered her a bit to wake up.

"Hey, doc, wake up. Need some energy in ya to work against that drain. Nothing like a bit of sugar. C'mon now."

Kirlin groaned a bit and muttered, "I never trained to sustain magic for that long like that..." She reluctantly accepted the food and drink wearily and munched.

Kid chuckled, leaning back in the chair and folding his arms, shaking off the loathed image in favor of his usual form as he did so.

"Well, ya did pretty damn good then, considering," Kid said. "Even managed to get out alive and a bit ahead for the adventure. Not that I plan on ever going back again. Had enough of fanatics hunting dragons in my life. Hehe."

"No kidding... They're enough to drive _me_ batty..."

"Yeah well," Kid snorted a laugh. "I did kinda notice you gave up on the whole 'oh woe, gotta heal em all' routine after a bit. You do know that only works when you're in a safe place, right? Randomly wasting your energy to heal some schmuck that might just stick a knife in you isn't such a hot idea."

"Right, yeah..." Kirlin smirked. "Bloody people almost make me feel sympathetic for Chaos for having to put up with that crap..."

"Oh I dunno," Kid replied, shrugging. "People like that have their reasons a lot of times, generally having something to do with surviving in a crazy world. Hell, I'll do just about whatever I have to in order to keep my scaly hide intact, can't blame them for doing the same. Besides, those walking dead things were ick."

"And now I'm sure they thought _we_ were somehow responsible for it all, too."

Kid grinned. "Oh, I can certainly hope so. Just 'cause I can understand it, doesn't mean I forget being shot out easily. You get used to the idea after a while though, even if it _does_ hurt like hell. Heh."

"I'll prefer to avoid being shot at in the future if it's all the same to you, thanks," Kirlin said.

"Little secret, doc?" Kid chuckled. "Not my favorite thing either. But hey, when it happens you deal with it. Maybe you'll get lucky and this little galaxy-class starcruiser will stay in nice, safe places for a while."

Kirlin smirked a bit and said, "You know, I think I just want to sleep for a week..."

Kid grinned. "Won't wanna do that, just keep eating a lot and that drain'll go away, but some sleep wouldn't hurt. Can I help ya back to your quarters?"

"Yeah, okay," Kirlin murmured. "And send Counselor Troi down in the morning."

"Ugh," Kid muttered, moving to scoop her up in his arms. "Please tell me that was a joke. Don't think I could handle that kind of shock being real right now."

He stopped by the terminal to find a quick map and headed out into the hall, wending his way thence.

"Yes... that was a joke... I certainly hope she's not aboard this ship... although there's a 'claver aboard who seems to think she's a counselor..."

Kid sighed in relief. "Great news, doc. You should look up some of the old Star Drek vids and see the horror I felt for a second there." He chuckled, stepping into a lift and ignoring the curious look of a redshirt. "This place is just strange sometimes. Fun, but strange."

Kirlin just dozed off again, snoozing lightly. Kid smirked as he noticed her slip off into sleep again, making the remainder of the journey as quietly as possible.

"Silly kid," he thought to himself, "get past the save the world delusions and she'd have the energy to put to more productive use."

Not likely to be an issue though, not since she seemed perfectly, sanely content to remain a doc aboard this nice, safe ship. 

"Sleep well, kiddo," he murmured gently, having gained access to her quarters and resting her on the bed. He arranged some pillows, draped a blanket over her, and headed back out... probably to work some more on that bloody, thrice and never sufficiently damned 8-ball.


End file.
